It took me far too long to realise that one of the most important roles of a youth leader is supporting, and partnering with, the parents of the young people in the youth group. I guess, as a leader in my early twenties, I felt I had more in common with the teenagers than with the parents and could sometimes find parents a bit daunting and, well, adult. This is, I know, a common reality for young leaders but it must be overcome as quickly as possible as partnering with parents is one the most strategic actions we can take to be more effective in seeing young people grow and mature in faith.
The reality is that parents love youth leaders! They appreciate having Christian adults outside of the immediate family who are willing to take the time to get to know their children, to invest in their lives and to disciple them. Now, of course, this can lead to unrealistic expectations and of parents, incorrectly, handing over the responsibility of the spiritual development of their children to the leader, neither of which will enable the leader, nor the young person, to flourish. But youth leaders need to see parents as allies in their ministry, and not side with the teenager and see the parent as the joint enemy!
Here are five ways to include parents in your youth ministry:
1. keep parents informed
Parents don’t want to get in your way so make sure you give them as much information as possible on what your plans are. This can include the programme for the term, details of forthcoming trips, any special dates for the year ahead. Remember, parents are your allies so give them as much info as you can so they can stand shoulder to shoulder with you and support from the home. Have an evening once a year where you can gather parents together to hear your vision for the youth ministry, discuss ways you can work together and to ask any questions they may have.
2. involve parents
Often parents assume that the last thing the young people want is their parents hanging around the youth group, which is often the case! However, involving parents appropriately can be a fantastic way of helping families stay together and keeping communication lines open. Using parents to cook for a Christmas meal or a summer BBQ, providing transport to the next bowling outing or hosting a small group at their home, can be simple ways that parents get to see what goes on and be a part. Parents can be your biggest resource in this way.
3. provide parents with resources
Parents are more and more aware of how much they don’t know about how to parent so provide them with easy access to quality training and resources. Whilst you may not feel personally able to offer training yourself, point them to good books, articles, DVDs and training events and courses.
4. create a parent network
Offer to set up an email mailing list or a Facebook group where parents can share ideas, prayer requests and help each other with the different challenges of parenting. They may also like to meet up once per month to pray together, perhaps whilst the young people are at their youth group. This can build greater solidarity and community amongst the parents and bring whole families into better relationship.
5. encourage parents
Parenting can be exceedingly hard work so look for as many ways as possible to encourage them. When you happen to bump into them in the supermarket, the street or after a Sunday service, try and tell them about how their child is doing. If they’ve shown significant signs of thinking, maturing or growing in faith, then tell the parent, they would love to hear! Obviously, be careful not to betray any trusts you have with the teenagers but talk positively and tell them they are doing a great job as parents!
If youth leaders invest in their relationships with parents, you may just find you have your strongest supporters for your ministry. I have found parents to be so grateful, encouraged and blessed by working with them to see their children develop a faith that lasts a lifetime. Don’t try to do it without them.
What ways have you tried to build stronger links with parents? What would you recommend others to do? Please leave a comment or question below.